HANDLING ANGER

Anger is an essential part of how we function.

1. How we respond to anger

• We suppress anger: To suppress anger is like putting it in a barrel. You are aware of your feelings and you try and contain yourself by pushing it under the surface.

• We express anger: Anger is a strong emotion, and it needs to be expressed in some way. Expressing anger with violent passion, yelling sharp words and high emotions does get results, but they are not positive.

• We repress anger: Refusing to accept that you are angry, when you actually are, is NOT healthy

John Powell said: When I repress my emotions my stomach keeps score. Dr William Menniger writes: “Sometimes we push each other away and the problem between us festers and festers. Just as in surgery, free and adequate drainage is essential if healing is to take place.”

2. Unhealthy reactions to our anger

• Ignore your feelings

• Keep saying “I’m not angry!!”

• Concentrate on scoring ‘points’ against your partner.

• Blame your partner. (loudly)

• Walk out and feel sorry for yourself. 

3. Healthy reactions to our anger

• Identify and acknowledge your feelings.

• Identify why you are angry.

• Recognise the surrounding circumstances e.g. both are tired and frustrated by the circumstances.

• Express without anger, or blame, what the actual issue is, and why you are struggling with it.

• Allow your partner to share their side.

• Agree to find a solution with both making positive suggestions.

• Agree to put the new plan into action and re-assess in a weeks time.