Jokes
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope ... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So ... what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this Map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that Raddy map!"
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my mum would be like.
The way he tells it, the minister asked my mum, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do."
Then the minister asked my dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my mum said, "He does."
She had a wedding to go to, and needed a wedding gift.
"Aha," she thought, "I have that monogrammed silver tray from my wedding that I never use. I'll just take it to a silversmith and have him remove my monogram and put hers on it. Voila, one cheap wedding present."
She took it to the silversmith and asked him to remove her monogram and put the new one on.
The silversmith examined the tray carefully, shook his head and said, "Lady, this can only be done so many times!"
