TODAYS JOKES
LOST THE PLOT
As a bagpiper, I play many places. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt bad and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
Apparently, I'm still lost...
MOTIVATION
A fellow was making his way home after spending an evening at the local bar. His way home was normally through the back of a church cemetery. As he was making his way in the dark, he fell into an open grave which had been prepared for the funeral the following day.
Unable to escape, he chose to wait until morning. Shortly afterwards another fellow came along and fell into the same grave. He too tried to get out.
After a few moments, the first fellow said to him, “welcome to my pad.” With that, the second fellow shot out of the grave and ran home. That’s called motivation.
