WHAT IS CO-DEPENDENCY?
Discover the warning signs of co-dependency and learn how healthy relationships are built on love, respect, and a secure sense of self—not losing yourself in someone else.
Here are some helpful signs
My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
Your struggles affect my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain.
My mental attention is focused on pleasing you.
My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way.
My self esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
My own interests and hobbies are put aside. My time is spent sharing your hobbies and interests.
Your clothing and personal appearance is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.
Your behaviour is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.
I am not aware of how I feel; I am aware of how you feel. I am not aware of what I want; I ask you what you want. If I am not aware, I assume.
The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.
(Original source is unknown)
The learned coping strategies characteristic of codependent behaviour include:
An overly sensitive nature, being concerned for the needs of another person.
Overemphasis on being responsible for others and not looking at the irresponsibility of one’s own behaviour.
High levels of guilt and beliefs that they are at fault for anything that goes wrong.
Enmeshment in a relationship with a chemically dependent, personality disordered, another codependent individual or power-addicted person.
Fear of abandonment by their partner, resulting in ignoring important issues, living in and submissive behaviour.
Pervasive lack of self-esteem resulting from inner beliefs of worthlessness.
Acceptance of the sick, martyr, or victim role.
Need for seeking gratification and validation from others but not from one’s own self.
Shutting down of emotions and feelings resulting in emotional numbness.
Need to control others through passive aggressive behaviour and manipulation.
