A Few Jokes To Smile About…
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A Few Jokes To Smile About.
My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god...
I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.
An elderly couple were sitting in the lounge about to have afternoon tea. The husband got up and said I feel like some ice cream and syrup.
The wife said write down my order, I would love biscuits and tea. Write it down. You will forget.
A while later the husband arrived with beacon and eggs, and the wife said where’s the toast? I told you to write it down
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.
He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
A Few Jokes To Smile About…
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A Few Jokes To Smile About.
Three ‘one liners’
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally
Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.
The world champion tongue twister got arrested. I hear they’re going to give him a tough sentence.
“Yes, Theo, what is it?” asked the teacher.
“I don’t want to alarm you, Miss Davis, but my dad said if I don't get better grades, someone was going to be in big trouble.”
An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her father on “Take Your Kids to Work Day”. As they were walking around the office the young girl started crying and getting very cranky. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathered around, she sobbed loudly: “Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?”
A man shouted frantically into the phone,
“My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” asked the dispatcher.
“NO!” he exclaimed, “this is her husband.”
A Few Jokes To Smile About…
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A Few Jokes To Smile About.
Three ‘one liners’.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
The man who invented knock-knock jokes should get a no bell prize.
The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.
Golfer: “You must be the world's worst caddy!”
Caddy: “No, that would be too much of a coincidence.”
I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise.
My boss asked, "What companies?"
I replied, "Gas, water, and electricity."
Aboard an airline flight from Australia to America, Grandma Alice was taking her very first flight.
They had only been aloft a few minutes when the old lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping.
The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort. When they landed in LA, Grandma thanked the stewardess. “The chewing gum worked fine,” she said. “Now that we've arrived, would you tell me, how do I get it out of my ears?”
A Few Jokes To Smile About…
A few jokes to smile about.
Today’s Jokes
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked.
She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”Joseph of Arimathea asked Pilate for Jesus body to put in his family grave.
Pilate was astounded, “You’ve spent a fortune on that grave. Why give it to Jesus.”
Joseph replied, “It’s only for three days.”
h! the English language!
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids. When I got home, they were still there.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
Two Wi-Fi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic.
3 Jokes…
Three jokes for you today…
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party. Now I'm homeless.
Before crowbars were invented most crows drank at home by themselves.
From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands.
“Who is it?” a passenger asks the captain.
“I have no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad like that.”
The Proposal Gone Wrong
George had a unexpected response to his proposal …..
George had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting his response. "Did she accept?"
"No, she sure didn't," sobbed George. "When I told her what you advised me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get out."
"Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father.
"Oh boy, Dad, did I got it all wrong," George groaned. "I said, 'My darling, you have a face that would stop a clock!'"