MATURING OR DEGENERATING?

Have you ever heard the phrase “young at heart?”

Does aging depend on our chronological age? I do not think so…. I have seen really old people that are ‘young at heart’ regardless of their age, and, and younger people that are worn out and old iin their looks and thinking.

What kind of person do you and I want to be? Our daily choices determine the path we will take.

My Dad, a World-War 2 veteran died suddenly at the age of 74 – he was fishing, a sport he loved, when he had a sudden heart-attack and died. He was hard-working and provided well for us even in the very ‘lean’ years. War did not embitter him but the time in Italy was heart wrenching as he watched the vulnerable suffer throught the war.  He was ‘young at heart’  and a blessing to the community we lived in…volunteer ‘Fire-Chief’ and pivital in the rescue operation in a devastating passenger-train disaster in our town, my mother a trained paramedic(St John’s Ambulance) was at his side with many other concerned  townsfolk.

My Mother was the only daughter in her family and she learned many skills from my grandmother; sewing, cooking, home management etc. she cared for my sister and brother, and the home, through the three years that my Dad was in Italy. Times were tough on many levels but she, and the other war wives, did their utmost to keep the homes functioning and that the children did not suffer. I can just imagine her struggle on the homefront and her constant anxiety about my Dad on the front lines.

They had to guard against deteriorating as many lives were dependent on them in different ways. Unfortunately, there were a number of people who were not as resilient and many families were devastated.

A verse from the Bible has been imprinted in my heart, and life, is this:-

Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world”   (John 16:33) … the best is yet to come! 

WHAT IS CO-DEPENDENCY?

‍Discover the warning signs of co-dependency and learn how healthy relationships are built on love, respect, and a secure sense of self—not losing yourself in someone else.

‍Here are some helpful signs

• ‍My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.

• My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.

• Your struggles affect my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems  or relieving your pain.

• My mental attention is focused on pleasing you.

• My mental attention is focused  on protecting you.

• My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way.

• My self esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.

• My own interests and hobbies are put aside. My time is spent sharing your hobbies and interests.

• ‍Your clothing and personal appearance is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.

• Your behaviour is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.

• I am not aware of how I feel; I am aware of how you feel. I am not aware of what I want; I ask you what you want. If I am not aware, I assume.

• The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.

• My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.

• My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.

• ‍I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.

• My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.

• I put my values aside in order to connect with you.

• I value your opinion and way  of doing things more than my own.

• The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.

(Original source is unknown)

The learned coping strategies characteristic of codependent behaviour include:

• An overly sensitive nature, being concerned for the needs of another person.

• Overemphasis on being responsible for others and not looking at the irresponsibility of one’s own behaviour.

• High levels of guilt and beliefs that they are at fault for anything that goes wrong.

• Enmeshment in a relationship with a chemically dependent, personality disordered, another codependent individual or power-addicted person.

• ‍‍Fear of abandonment by their partner, resulting in ignoring important issues, living in and submissive behaviour.

• ‍‍Pervasive lack of self-esteem resulting from inner beliefs of worthlessness.

• Acceptance of the sick, martyr, or victim role.

• Need for seeking gratification and validation from others but not from one’s own self.

• Shutting down of emotions and feelings resulting in emotional numbness.

• Need to control others through passive aggressive behaviour and manipulation.‍‍ ‍

THE BLIND WOMAN WHO HELPED THE WORLD SEE

Born Frances Jane Crosby in New York in 1820, Fanny lost her sight when she was just six weeks old. Whether caused by illness or a medical mistake, her blindness was permanent. Her father died before she was a year old, leaving her mother and grandmother to raise her. Rather than allowing bitterness to take root, they nurtured in her a deep Christian faith that would shape the rest of her remarkable life.

As a child, Fanny developed an extraordinary memory. Encouraged by her grandmother, she memorised large portions of the Bible, eventually committing the four Gospels, the first five books of the Old Testament, many Psalms, Proverbs and other passages to memory. She later reflected that she never wished she could see, believing that God had a purpose even in her blindness. She once famously said that the first face she would ever see would be that of her Saviour.

At fifteen, Fanny entered the New York Institution for the Blind, where she studied music and learned to play several instruments. She also discovered her gift for poetry and songwriting. Over the course of her lifetime she wrote more than 8,000 hymns and gospel songs, with over 100 million copies printed. So many of her hymns appeared in hymnbooks that publishers sometimes asked her to write under one of nearly 200 pen names so it would not seem that one person had written so much.

Her hymns have comforted and inspired millions around the world. Classics such as Blessed Assurance, To God Be the Glory, Pass Me Not, O Gentle Saviour, Praise Him, Praise Him and Rescue the Perishing continue to be sung in churches more than a century after they were written.

Yet Fanny's greatest contribution was not simply her music. She devoted much of her life to serving the poor through rescue missions, teaching, and public speaking. She believed that the Christian faith was meant to be lived out in compassion and practical service to others.

Fanny Crosby died in 1915 at the age of ninety-four, leaving behind a legacy that few songwriters have ever matched. Her life is a powerful reminder that our greatest limitations need not become our greatest obstacles. Instead, when placed in God's hands, they can become the very means through which we bless countless others. Blind from infancy, Fanny Crosby helped generations of people see more clearly the hope, grace and love of Jesus Christ.

MARK TWAIN: TIMELESS WISDOM FOR LIVING WELL

Consider the points Mark Twain makes…

1. There are two important days of your life, the day you were born and day that you find out why.

2. Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

3. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

4. The truth must be served like a coat and not thrown in the face like a wet towel.

5. Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

6. Everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

7. Only two things we will regret on our deathbed, that will be a little loved and a little travelled.

8. Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can be great.

9. Man will do many things to get himself loved; he will do all things to get himself envied.

10. Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.

11. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This principle differs between a dog and a man.

Mark Twain (An American writer, humourist, and essayist who wrote classics like “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer” and “Huckleberry Finn”.)

THE MYTH OF THE ALWAYS-HAPPY CHRISTIAN

‍Christianity is great, but not everything we say or believe about it is necessarily true. Stephen Mattson writes about the seven most common stereotypes that Christians have about Christianity that are wrong. Here is what he says about one of them: It's a myth that Christians are always happy.

There's an unhealthy expectation within many faith communities that we're always supposed to be joyful, as if being anything other than a smiling, peaceful, and jolly spiritual cheerleader is detrimental to Christianity.

"Being a good witness" is often the Christian way of saying, "act the part." But while contentment and happiness is a spiritual virtue, it should never come at the expense of honesty, transparency, and truthfulness. We shouldn't pretend to be happy and use the facade of joy as an evangelism tool.

God desires reconciliation and renewal, and this often means confronting broken relationships and dealing with sin within our lives. Asking for forgiveness, admitting addiction, confronting abuse, seeking justice, requesting help, and serving others often makes you the opposite of happy - and that's OK.

There's a season for everything, and some of life's most important, loving, and holy moments are times of trial, sorrow, and sadness - so let's stop trying to turn Christianity into something it was never meant to be.

[Posted by God's Politics 03 December copyright Sojourners 2013. Read more at http://sojo.net/blogs/2013/12/03/seven-lies-about-christianity-which-christians-believe]‍ ‍

TODAY’S HUMOUR

Mistyped Email Address
A Johannesburg couple decided to spend Christmas in Durban at the hotel where they had honeymooned 20 years before.

The husband flew down a day before his wife. After checking in, he noticed a computer in the room and decided to email her. He didn’t notice that he had mistyped her address.

Meanwhile in Cape Town, an elderly widow had just returned from her husband‘s funeral and was checking her email. He had been a church minister for many years and had died suddenly.

After reading the first message, she fainted. Her son rushed in and found his mother slumped in front of the computer screen which read:

To:          My loving wife.

Subject:   I’ve arrived.

Date:    December 16, 2003.
“I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here and one is allowed to send emails to one’s loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. Everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. I look forward to seeing you. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

 P. S. it sure is hot down here!

LONDON OLYMPICS
It’s 2012 and it’s the Olympics in London.
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Australian want to get in but they haven’t got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate, “McTavish, Scotland,” he says, and in he walks. 

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder, “Weddington Smith, England” he says “Pole vault” and in he walks.

The Australian looks around and picks up a role of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm, “Jones Australia” he says, “fencing”.

Observant Husband.
“Yesterday, my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything and cleaned it down thoroughly.
Today, I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.”

MISUNDERSTANDING
An eight old girl went to the office with her father on “Take Your Kids To Work Day”.

As they were walking around the office, the young girls started crying and getting very cranky. Her father asked what was wrong? As the staff gathered around, she said loudly: “Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?”

TAILPIECE
A man tottered onto a bus, slumped down in a seat, hiccupped and smiled blearily at the passenger next to him, who happened to be a clergymen. The man of the cloth took in the fellow’s red nose, sniffed the alcohol fumes and said, “brother, I fear you are on the rough and rocky road to damnation.”

“Oh no”, groaned the drunk, “I’ve caught the wrong bus again.”

A HUSBAND OF NOBLE CHARACTER

A husband of noble character, who can find such a person? He is worth far more than a big bank balance.

His wife has full confidence in him, she can trust him anywhere and with anyone.

He has been a safe haven for her all of her life, he never deliberately hurts her.

He has carefully selected a career and works hard so that his family are never in need.

He gets up before dawn and makes his family coffee, he makes sure that he and his family know what they must do each day.

He invests carefully.

He is not afraid of hard work and does not shirk the ‘stinky’ tasks.

He is responsible in all he does; at work and at home-even if it means a few late nights.

He is good at what he does and is not afraid to tackle difficult tasks.

And added to this, he has a heart for the poor, the oppressed, and any person young or old that is suffering.

When there are storms, or flood, fires or drought he has no fear for his household because he has planned ahead for their protection.

His wife is not ashamed of him in the city where they live, and she is a respected woman.

He watches over his family and is not a couch potato.

His children love and respect him, his sons want to be like him.

His wife has realized that charm is deceptive, and handsomeness is skin-deep, but a man who honours God is to be praised.

(husband version adapted from the ‘’wife’’ version in Proverbs 31:10-31 by Marge Stahakis)    

KINDNESS

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school found he had only one penny left, and he was hungry. He decided to ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked her for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so she brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly and then asked, “How much do I owe you?” ‘’You don’t owe me anything” she replied. “Mother has taught us never to accept pay for kindness.”  He said, “Then I thank you from my heart.”

As Howard Kelly left that house he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and people was stronger also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Years later that same woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor’s gown he went in to see her. He recognized  her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do the best to save her life. From that day he gave her special attention to the case. After a long struggle, the battle was won.

Dr Kelly asked the hospital to pass  the patient’s bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words: “Paid in full with one glass of milk.”  (signed) Dr Howard Kelly.

“I expect to pass through life but once. If, therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.”       William Penn

(From the book  “ Bucket of Surprises’’ Compiled by J.John & Mark Stibbe) 

TRANSFORMING TRAGEDIES

Joni Eareckson Tada lived a very active life all through her growing-up years, enjoying riding horses, hiking, tennis, and swimming.

However, in 1967 Joni dived into Chesapeake Bay not realising how shallow it was. Tragically she was paralysed from her shoulders down. She was only 17 years old…

During her two years of rehabilitation, according to her autobiography Joni, she experienced anger, depression, suicidal thoughts, and religious doubts. However, during occupational therapy, she learned to paint with a brush between her teeth and began selling her artwork. She also writes this way, although for most writing tasks she relies on voice recognition software. To date, she has written over forty books, recorded several musical albums, and starred in an autobiographical movie of her life, and is an advocate for people with disabilities.

Joni wrote of her experiences in her 1976 international best-selling autobiography, Joni: The unforgettable story of a young woman's struggle against quadriplegia & depression, which has been distributed in many languages. The book was made into a 1980 feature film of the same name, starring herself. Her second book, A Step Further, was released in 1978.

Joni was able to transform a life event that was devastating….

1. A friend of mine transformed the tragedy of loosing her husband in a home invasion by starting a swim-school for underprivileged children.

2. The MOTH (Men of the Tin Hats) movement in South Africa was started by returning soldiers from WWII. It served as a social event that included the spouses of the soldiers and became a therapeutic process as they shared their stories with each other.

3. WALT DISNEY wanted to create a new type of light entertainment however, he experienced some crushing failures and early on in his career and soon found himself virtually homeless, sleeping in his office (where he befriended a tame mouse) and taking showers at the train station. Just a year after opening his doors, he was forced to declare bankruptcy.
   However, he did not let the setback knock him down. He spent his last dollars on a bus ticket, headed out to Hollywood and started the company that bears his name. The little mouse that he befriended became the inspiration for the cartoon  character Mickey Mouse..

We dare not allow tragedy to discolour our lives, however, it requires courage, the wisdom to recognise our ‘normal’ pain/grieving reaction, and to remember the words of Jesus that I hold onto often… “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome this world.” (John 16:33)

A DIFFERENT TYPE OF COURAGE

The general understanding of courage is bravery in the face of an enemy/threat etc. But there are many other forms of bravery; here are some examples……

1. A serious life-threatening diagnosis.. this requires courage to digest and accept. Initial shock and disbelief, panic, questioning, apprehension, fear of the treatment and side-effects.

2. The wisdom to navigate your parental role in dealing with your teenagers’ serious misdemeanour.

3. The death of a loved one- we all will face this sometime in our lives. Our loss could be a parent, spouse, child, friend…

4. The courage when a serious decision must be made. The level of impact of your decision whether personally, affecting your partner, your family, friends, community. etc. The higher your position in life, the wider the impact of your decisions, for example, the impact of recent decisions made by presidents, governors, etc.

So, instead of taking the Ostrich approach of sticking our head in the sand, we need to have a ‘battle-plan’ to enable us to face the torpedo’s that can, and often will, come our way.

SOME SUGGESTIONS:-

• Avoid a ‘panic/knee-jerk reaction. Take a deep breath, assess the situation. Separate fact from supposition.

• Avoid jumping to conclusion and hastily leaping into action. Give yourself time to absorb the shock and to assess the facts rationally

• Ask questions, listen carefully, separate fact from supposition.

• Consider who could empathically and wisely support you. You do not have to ‘go it alone’.

• Afterwards, take time to debrief, consider the results then let it go.

THE PRAYER WE DARE TO PRAY

Growing deep inside of us is the hunger for authentic life; and a distaste for sham and phoniness. There is a deep admiration for the person who is aware and sensitive to other’s feelings which gives life a dimension of meaning.

The apprehensions that life at its core does not make sense, does not add up, prevents  us from fully functioning as human beings. Deeper than our own anxiety over guilt or death is our anxiety over emptiness and meaningless.

Jesus is the personification of authentic life. In our Lord’s Prayer, He gives us the feelings and attitudes we need to cultivate.

I cannot say … “Our” – if my religion has no room for other people and their needs.

I cannot say … “Father” –if I do not demonstrate this relationship in my daily life.

I cannot say … “Who art in Heaven” – if all my interests and pursuits are earthly things.

I cannot say … “Hallowed be Thy Name” – if I am called  by His name, am not holy.

I cannot say … “Thy kingdom come”  - if I am unwilling to give my sovereignty and accept the reign of God.

I cannot say … “Thy will be done” – if I am unwilling or resentful of having Him in my life.

I cannot say … “on earth as it is in Heaven” – unless I am truly ready to give myself to His service here and now.

I cannot say …  “Give us this day our daily bread” -  without expending honest effort for it or by ignoring the needs of my fellow-men.

I cannot say …  “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors”  -  If I continue to harbor a grudge against anyone.

I cannot say …  “Lead us not into temptation” – if I deliberately choose to remain in a situation where I am likely to be tempted.

I cannot say …  “Deliver us from evil” – if I am not prepared to fight in the spiritual realm with the weapon of prayer.

I cannot say … “Amen” – Unless I can honestly say also, cost what it may, this is my prayer!

(Author unknown)

TODAY’S HUMOUR

One temperance Sunday the minister preached passionately against the dangers of alcohol.

He declared,
"If I had all the beer in the world, I'd throw it into the river!"
The congregation replied, "AMEN!"

He continued,
"If I had all the wine in the world, I'd throw it into the river!"
"AMEN!"

Growing more enthusiastic, he said,
"If I had all the whisky and spirits in the world, I'd throw them into the river!"
"AMEN!"

The sermon ended, and the minister sat down.

The song leader stood and announced,
"Our closing hymn is 'Shall We Gather at the River?'"

The congregation was suddenly very quiet.

My mother was a radiologist, and she met my father when he had an X-Ray. 
She must have seen something in him.

SOME ONE LINERS

• The Calendar Factory: I got fired from my job there yesterday.
  All I did was take a day off.

• The Fake Spaghetti: What do you call a counterfeit pasta dish?
  An impasta!

• The Golfing Wardrobe: Why does a golfer bring an extra pair of trousers?
  Just in case they get a hole-in-one.

• The Novel on Glue: Have you read it yet?
  It is impossible to put down

• The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally handed her a glue stick.
  She hasn’t spoken to me since.

PRAYERS CAN’T BE ANSWERED UNLESS…

PRAYERS CAN’T BE ANSWERED UNLESS THEY ARE PRAYED.

Life without purpose is barren indeed
They can’t be a harvest unless you plant seed.
They can’t be attainment unless there’s a goal.
And man’s but a robot unless there’s a soul.

If we send no ships out, no ships will come in,
And unless there’s a contest, nobody can win.
For games can’t be one unless they are played,
And prayers can’t be answered unless they are prayed.

So whatever is wrong with your life today
You’ll find a solution if you kneel down and pray.
Not just for pleasure, enjoyment and health,
Not just for honours and prestige and wealth.

But pray for a purpose to make life worth living
And pray for the joy of unselfish giving.
For great is your gladness and rich your reward,
When you make your life’s purpose the choice of the Lord.
Author unknown

Whatever you have to face today….remember… ‍ ‍

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Joseph M. Scriven

A daily prayer of commitment.

O God our loving heavenly Father,
This day I thank you for all your many blessings,
and pray that you will take my life,
and let it be consecrated, Lord to Thee.
Take my moments and this day
and let it flow in ceaseless gratitude and praise.

WISE WORDS

This very wise document was found in the Old Saint Paul’s Church, Baltimore; it was dated as 1692.

“Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

CAN YOU SAY “NO”?

Saying no is difficult. Most of us want to be helpful and please others. Some of us are so sensitive that we say yes to phone solicitations, and to requests from others, just to avoid disappointing somebody, however, part of finding a spot on the cosmic dance floor is standing our ground.

I know this sounds harsh, but often ‘no’  is the kindest word to say for all concerned. Buying a candy bar, which you may not want, or agreeing to serve on one more committee, when you are already on three other committees, may seem kind at that moment, but if you are trying to cut back on sugar or simplify your life, it’s best to say no.

(‘’Just say no” by NANCY REAGAN from the book “Questions from your Cosmic Dance” by John Coleman)

Some thoughts to consider:-

• Listen carefully to the request. Ask questions if it is not clear. Know that you don’t have to agree immediately, unless it is a crisis.

• Consider, and share alternatives if you do not feel able to help. e.g. “Why don’t you ask Joe, he has the necessary plumbing skills”.

• You do not have to agree to every request, but can sensitively listen and decline, if necessary. You are showing your care by listening and giving helpful advice or, honestly admitting that is out of your capability.

• It would be a caring gesture to contact the person who requested help a few days later, to see if they were able to solve their problem. 

JOY THAT PERSISTS THROUGH PAIN

The hymn “O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go” (1882) by George Matheson comes from a very specific moment of personal crisis and reflection.

Matheson was a Scottish minister who became almost completely blind by his late teens. He had been engaged earlier in life, but the engagement was broken off when his fiancée decided she could not marry a man who would lose his sight. Later, he lived with the long-term reality of blindness while building a strong ministry and writing career.

The hymn itself is traditionally linked to an evening in 1882 when Matheson was staying alone at the manse in Innellan. It was the night his sister—who had supported him through much of his life, including his blindness—was getting married. That event is often described as a trigger for the hymn, bringing a renewed sense of personal loss and isolation.

Matheson later said the text came in a sudden flow of writing, completed in a few minutes, and that it felt almost “dictated” rather than carefully composed. He also described it as emerging from deep inner suffering rather than deliberate poetic construction.

What makes the hymn distinctive is that it turns that experience of loss into a structured reflection on divine persistence and care. Each verse develops a theme:

• Love that holds steady even in distress

• Light that remains present in uncertainty

• Joy that persists through pain

• The cross as a place where loss is transformed rather than avoided

In short, the background is not a single simple tragedy, but a convergence of lifelong blindness, earlier romantic loss, and a moment of family separation. The hymn is essentially Matheson working through that accumulated experience in theological terms rather than autobiographical complaint.

O Love, that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be. 

O Light, that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to Thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in Thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be. 

O Joy, that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to Thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be. 

O Cross, that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from Thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

STRENGTHENING YOUR MARRIAGE

It can always be better…

Here are five relationship lessons by Jon Gordon…

1. THE MORE I LOVE MY WIFE, THE MORE I LOVE MY LIFE. It’s not about what she does for me. It’s not about keeping score. It is about deciding to be selfless, love her, serve her, and be there for her. When I do, we both get better.

2. ENCOURAGE INSTEAD OF COMPETING. Many couples get jealous, if their spouse is enjoying success, rather than encouraging them. When you support and advocate for each other, you grow individually and strengthen your team.

3. DON’T QUIT. Sometimes marriage is great and sometimes it isn’t. Too many people give up, thinking the grass is greener elsewhere. It isn’t.  Plant yourself, nurture your relationship, invest time and energy in your spouse, and you will grow into who you’re meant to be. Marriage is where you learn to give and take and compromise, where you work on your individual issues and heal together.

4.  HAVE A SHARED MISSION. My wife and I knew we weren’t together just for ourselves. We felt our mission was to raise champions who will make a difference in the world. We aren’t perfect parents, we have made mistakes, but our mission inspired us to give our very best- especially this past year with two teenagers and a challenging year.

5. INVITE GOD INTO YOUR MARRIAGE. Years ago, when we hit a tough patch, a guy told me how he and his wife prayed together every night. So, I asked God what our prayer should be. It came to me a few days later, and we have said it every night since. It has made a difference that leads to forgiveness, healing, and growth.

   (‘Word for Today’ Sept/Oct/Nov/Dec/2025) 

TODAY’S HUMOUR

• I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
  She gave me a hug.
  

• Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
  They don’t have the guts.
  

• I used to play piano by ear.
  Now I use my hands.
  

• Parallel lines have so much in common.
  It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  

• Why did the scarecrow win an award?
  Because he was outstanding in his field.
  

• I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia.
  She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
  

• I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places.
  He told me to stop going to those places.
  

• What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
  Barberqueue.
  

• Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?
  Because to them, love means nothing.
  

• How do trees access their email?
  They log in.

A SOMBRE WARNING...

For a long time, I have had a feeling of discomfort when reading about AI, and of late a deepening concern regarding the increasing dependence on this tool/entity.

As a writer, I can quickly identify an authentic, human script vs an AI generated one.

Some of my concerns are the shrinking of brain mass in humans because of lack of use, the insidious usurping human intelligence, the loss of the ‘soul’ in written works, etc.

Prof Stephen Hawking warned that artificial intelligence could end mankind’ (2 December, 2014). "Humans, who are limited by slow biological evolution, couldn't compete and would be superseded". This warning came in response to a question about a revamp of the technology he uses to communicate, which involves a basic form of AI. Prof Hawking says the primitive forms of artificial intelligence developed so far have already proved very useful, but he fears the consequences of creating something that can match or surpass humans.

A while ago we watched a movie where loving parents gave their young daughter a robot to keep her company. It seemed a perfect solution; the robot looked like a little girl, could speak, walk etc. The twist came when this delightful little robot assumed a dominating, dangerous personality when alone with the little girl. Obviously, this was total fiction but I suspect that the theme was expressing the dark side of creating robots.

So the dilemma we are facing is; what ‘advancement’ is good and will benefit humanity? And, what ‘advancement’ will lead to the demise of humanity as we know it? 

FIVE STYLES OF MANAGING CONFLICT

1. The Turtle: Any signs of conflict causes withdrawal. The Turtle’s style is that of avoidance. Will rather avoid conflict than face it. Is low on both goals and relationships.

2. The Shark: Tackles conflict head on. Is not concerned much with needs of others and assumes that conflict is settled by one person winning and the other losing. Is high on goals and low on relationship – achieve goal at any cost.

3. The Teddy Bear: Smoothes over conflict. Avoids in favour of harmony. Does not believe that conflict can be resolved without it affecting the relationship unless someone gives way. Is high on relationship and low on goals.

4. The Fox: Is prepared to meet the other half-way. Will concede part and persuade the other side to do the same. Both sides win but both sides also lose. More or less ambivalent towards goals and relationships.

5. The Owl. Uses confrontation as a means of managing conflict. Sees conflict as a means of improving the relationship. Highly values both goals and relationships and therefore seeks solutions that will satisfy both groups. i.e. a third way.

NOTE: Conflict is inevitable, conflict is not necessarily negative, conflict can be productive if used properly, avoidance of conflict can cause distancing. Our challenge – learn how to have constructive conflict, it probably will be unique to each person.